When I came back from my New Zealand trip in July, I began to question my future. I don’t know, I guess… I was scared. After going through an awful time before the trip, I was frightened that something much worst would happen later. I wanted to be prepared if for some reasons, it occurs (I pray to Allah SWT that it will never happen!!). So I decided to postpone my original plan (continue Master degree) and come up with a new plan.

I’ve been involved actively in AIESEC for the past few months. AIESEC is an international student organisation with over 23,000 members globally. It not only provides young people to develop their potentials (leadership, communication, and interpersonal skills), but also provides them with opportunities and unique experiences to go on internship abroad and learn a totally different culture. Working in this great organisation really boosts my confidence! I got a chance to speak in front of hundreds of people, improve my communication skill, meet so many people from different backgrounds, work with amazing and inspiring people, and many more. My main role in the beginning of the semester was to help promoting AIESEC throughout our campus. I worked quite hard for it. I designed the flyers and posters and promoted AIESEC by going into one lecture theaters to the others, spreading the posters on bulletin boards across the campus, handing out flyers at the busiest spot at UQ — Union Complex, and taking part at AIESEC’s stall during Market Day. I’m so glad that at the end, we received about 38 internship applications (this is only for internship. Member application was more than that!). Anyway, I talked to many people about how great it would be to go on internship… but I never actually planned to go for it. Master degree was all I had on my mind. I was so sure that I was gonna go for Master… be it in Germany, Australia, Singapore, or Malaysia…

But something rather unexpected came to me in the beginning of July. It hit me really hard. I was betrayed. And that betrayal forced me to think of the “what if” situations. What if case A occurs, what if case B occurs, and so forth. I was angry at myself that I had never thought of even a slightest possiblity that this thing could happen to me. I foolishly thought that I had a solid ‘background’. But apparently, I didn’t. And like I said before, I was afraid that something worst would happen. The only thing that made me ready to face this ugly situation is to start my professional career as soon as possible. So when the ugly situation eventually happens, I would take a good care of ‘my people’, not be dependent on others, and take over the responsibility.

Thus, taking part on AIESEC’s internship (preferably in Europe) is the main goal I have right now. I can go back to Jeddah and get the best job that I could find over there. But having a professional experience in Europe would be a great start for my career. IT industry in Europe is much more advance than in Middle East and Indonesia. So this is a great chance for me to gain experience in this field. Besides being a graduate from Australian university, having a work abroad experience would be a great advantage for myself when I want to get a permanent job in Jeddah or in my own country. Plus, I have an opportunity and access to go on internship. Why do I have to ignore it and not take it?? Well… unfortunately, in order to go on an internship, I have to pass the scary panel interview on 16 September. So I really hope that it will go smoothly!! Wish me luck.

I know that this post seems so dramatic. But this is how I really feel. Insecurity haunts me day after day. And that makes me really worried. Strangely enough, mom seems not too enthusiastic about my current plan. She responded by saying, “Can’t you just find a job in Jakarta?” That’s a very weird reponse, knowing that my mom always wants and encourages me to work in foreign country!!! Well, I just need to sit down and talk to her and explain the main reason I change the plan. I’m sure she’ll understand. Afterall, I’m gonna fund this internship by myself. Practically, no one has the right to say NO .

In this picture: my fellow AIESEC friends @ the Awards Night. James, a guy who’s sitting on my right hand side, is the current president of AIESEC UQ.