The joyfulness and excitement of my wicked experience at Mt Warning evaporated very quickly when I heard the news of my sister’s condition. She fell sick once again; and this time, she was in Jakarta without my mom. Mom was so worried that when she heard the news, she decided to fly back to Jakarta on the next available flight. My grandma, auntie, cousins, and close relatives tried in every way they could to make her — or at least help her — feel better. But it was hard. How could it be easy to see my sister who is usually calm and polite suddenly scream at you and refuse to talk to you?? When the first time I witnessed this, I couldn’t believe it myself. I cried and felt so damn scared.

Mom is the most amazing person for she’s been very patience to deal with the situation. And I’m just a helpless daughter who has difficulties in accepting how the hell this thing could ever happen to my own sister. I can’t do anything and I’m ashamed of it. I’ve tried to talk to her over the phone, cheering her up and telling her stories of my failure in the past — that my life has ups and downs; just like hers. But I don’t think my stories made her feel any better. After all, my sister and I do have communication problems. It’s never been easy talking to her. She always made little or even no responses at all in every conversations. And I’m not the type of person who likes to say things for the sake of basa-basi. I do it sometimes, but it never worked. Our conversation flows with me doing the most talking and hers being passive and responding with “Oooh…” for most of the time. In the end, I ran out of topics! That’s why I always involve my brother in this situation. The purpose of it is not so much about engaging her in conversation, but to make the situation less serious and tense. I love teasing my bro (and vice versa) and make stupid jokes with him. At least when he’s around, all three of us can laugh like crazy.

To be honest, I’m concern about her future. We all want her to be independent and be able to push her self out of her comfort zone. Sending her to Malaysia to study seems like a perfect choice. But I began to question it, will it work? What if she’d fall sick again? Her friends would not understand her condition and act indifferently towards her. She’d be alone there. I don’t know when her illness is going to last, but I wish I could do something for her. I wish I could help her recover. I’m so worried about her health. She’s been very dependent on drugs that were given by her doctors for years. And this makes her body weaker. She has visited so many doctors, from GPs, psychologists, to psychiatrist, but all of them said that she suffers from severe stress. I was hoping that there’s a hospital or a center somewhere in Indo who can treat this kind of people, just like they show it in Oprah or Dr Phill.

My sister’s health and other stuffs going on at Uni stress me out. This year’s Eid has been pretty unexciting. I tried to forget it by going out with my friends and doing other activities, but this weird feeling will never disappear. I really hope my sister will recover soon — not temporarily, but completely recover! Amiiin….